Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
