We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
