Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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