these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
