woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
