News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You ruined the universe
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
