I am in a vortex of obligation.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
