Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
