Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
