I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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