i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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