THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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