you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
