You made me cry and you don't even care
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
