great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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