puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
