I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
