Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
