Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
