if you like me you must not know who I am
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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