i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
