I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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