This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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