I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We are all done wearing pants today
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
