I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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