It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
