Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
