is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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