It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
