My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
