i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
