this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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