They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
