You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
