just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
