you traded sex for a burrito?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize