If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
