we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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