I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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