2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
