Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She's the barista slut.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
