I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
