you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
