Where did you get a picture of my penis
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
