So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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