did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize