oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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