remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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