I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize