whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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