your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
