3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
