Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
don't judge my taste in strippers
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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