I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize