can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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