Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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