I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
