She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
