Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
