i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
