i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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