I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
this just has baby written all over it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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