If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
