i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
