I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Bring me that man meat
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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