I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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