i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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