Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
