I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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