I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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