In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
