I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
