I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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