You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize