She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
