I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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