You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
