girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
