Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
