I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
