You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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