he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
