my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
