you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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