so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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