dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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