He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
