Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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