I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
