She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
