His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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