forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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