Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You left your phone here
Wait...
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