there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
