There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
