You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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