If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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