K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
