plz talk dirty to me
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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