Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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