Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
