Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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