I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I could make wine with my vomit
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
