lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
